Martin Beck

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Golden Ferrets 2009(I)

Ryan Moore: The Way-Cool Ferret

The Academy (me and my pooch Ziggy) loves a free spirit, and out on Tour, where there's a dearth of them, there's no one like Ryan. He played the entire year without a single logo either on his bag or his clothing. If he represented Breathe-Right Nose Strips, he'd wear the see-through kind. Ryan went so far as to have his own golf shoes made, kind of like a soft-spike skateboarder. At times he looked like he'd put glue on his body and run through a thrift store, but the result was a win in Greensboro while looking like an escaped North Korean border guard. I liked it, and I like him.

Credit: Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

Liberty National Golf Club: The Best Use of a Landfill Since Paulie Gualtieri Ferret

Within methane-rasping distance of the famous statue that bears the same name, Liberty National is a 7,400-yard Kite-B-Cupp design squeezed into 108 acres of what was a New Jersey landfill, and is both a design and an engineering marvel. Many players had less than kind things to say about it, but only because it asked them questions they couldn't answer. Normally when a fairway is 18 yards wide, they get to hit a futility club from the tee, but when it's a 508-yard par 5, driver is the only option. A couple of greens need leveling out, but other than that, Liberty National is startlingly beautiful, and with the methane thing, if anyone hears an on-air fart, we can always blame the nearest water hazard. Which is a pfffffft-erfect segue to...

 Credit: Evan Schiller

Kelly Tilghman: The Announcer Ferret

The most underrated announcer in golf, Kelly does a better job than pretty much any man other than McCord, who is in fact, a woman. She works harder, prepares better, and is a damn sight better-looking than any other announcer in golf. Kelly is a tireless supporter of my Troops First Foundation, and her warmth and kindness have lift ed the spirits of countless wounded soldiers. Despite the negative press about her, I have yet to meet anyone who can tell me why they don't like her. Apparently they just don't, and I'm supposed to be okay with that, which I'm not. At all.

Credit: Stan Badz/PGA TOUR

John Daly: The Incredible Shrinking Ferret

By eating nothing but Marlboro Lights, and wearing pants that scared the crap out of his cellulite to the extent that it ran down his legs and formed insoles in his Foot-Joys, Lil' John lost 600 pounds in the last calendar year. Yes, Johnny be gellin'. (During the commercial break, J.D. also bagged The Why the Hubble Telescope Points Away From Earth Ferret.)

Credit: Robert Beck/SI

 
David Feherty: The Incredible Expanding Ferret

Yes, me, folks. I started the year a svelte 185 pounds, and despite riding more than 200 miles a week on my bicycle, as I sit writing I am now compressing my stool at a staggering 217 pounds of something less than rock-hard manhood. She Who Must Be Obeyed says I am like a jackass from the waist down and the neck up, with Rosie O'Donnell's middle bits. That woman is a hoot. She Who Must Be Obeyed, that is.

Credit: Hunter Martin/Getty Images

Webb Simpson: The Player Most Likely to Marry Outside His Own Species Ferret

Simpson, the rookie from Raleigh who went to Wake Forest, and whose girlfriend, Dowd Keith, is so beautiful and nice she cannot possibly be from this planet.

Credit: Chris Condon/PGA TOUR (right), Leigh Germy

Who will be in Winner List of 2010? ( I )

Tiger Woods is Playing Now?!

About the Author

golf here!!!

Which historical figure is Glenn Beck most similar to?

He has compared himself to Socrates, Paul Revere, The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Thomas Paine, and Benjamin Franklin.

Senator Joe McCarthy, though in a more dangerous way. Also, like Joe McCarthy, Beck doesn’t let slippery facts stand in the way.

Twitter and TV: How Social Media Is Helping Old Media
A new medium gives an old one a lift, as TV fans gather around the Twittercooler

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