Grease Rosie

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How to Make the Best Sex Tape

You will need a camcorder. If you don’t already have one, here are a few things to consider before you buy.

Don’t get anything that doesn’t record in digital format. They might be pricier than their record-to-tape cousins but the sound and pictures qualities can’t be compared.

Even better for shooting digital are the new high digital camcorders that record directly to a memory disk. They can be connected to a PC, so exhibitionists can post their clips on the Internet as easily as they can download them from any porn site.

Would you rather film your business in the dark? Find a camera that performs well in low lighting. Get a camera with night-shot function. It illuminates what you’re filming with infrared light not visible to the naked eye, allowing you to shoot the scene without ruining that intimate moment.

Finally – unless you want to rope in a friend to help you shoot – get a tripod.

Location

There’s nothing wrong with using your bedroom as your set – but you may want to pimp things up a little. We’re not suggesting you paint the walls red or break out the mirror ball – simply throwing in a leopard-print sarong across the bed will add a little interest to your shot. Or why not take the show on the road? When you’re removed from your comfort zone you’re more inclined to lose your inhibitions. Book into the honeymoon sweet at a fancy hotel – and make sure it has a private Jacuzzi…

Lighting

When many of us think of porn films, we think cheap n nasty, with harsh lighting that highlights every flaw (from panda-bear eyes to pimply bottoms, dirty looking bruises and cellulite). To avoid this invest in low wattage tinted light bulbs. Rosy pink or golden amber lighting is wonderful for all skin types. Pink and amber neutralizes the blues and reds of blemishes and tired eyes, giving skin a warm, creamy look. If, however, you’re checking into a hotel room, simply take a few rose or cream colored scarves with you to drape over any harsh, offending table lamps.

Close Ups

When your whole body is about to go on display, a swipe of lip gloss simply isn’t going to cut it. Start off by exfoliating your entire body from top to toe and applying self tan the night before. This way you’ll wake up with an all over glow that takes the edge off the appearance of cellulite, stretch marks and spider veins. You could also try a temporary spray on foundation.

Make your body gleam by applying a little body oil to your butt, breasts, arms and legs. You want to use just enough to give you a slight, sexy, sheen, not grease up the sheets or cause you to slip out from underneath your co-star.

Action

You’re ready to roll. What you decide to film is entirely up to you – but if you’re stuck for inspiration, follow these simple steps.

Kick off with an extreme close up of your man going down between your legs.

Zoom back to reveal your gleaming tummy and breasts.

Hand the camera over to your man so he can get a shot of you returning the favor. When he zooms in, give him a cheeky wink.

Climb on top of your guy and make a big show of riding up and down his shaft while he lies propped up against a pillow, recording all the action from his point of view.

This is where the tripod will come in handy. Set it up some distance away from the bed to ensure that it captures your face and breasts grazing the duvet as you get down on all fours and your man enters you from behind.

Just as he’s about to orgasm, have him pull out, whip you around and ejaculate over your neck and breasts.

Don’t move a muscle. Give your co star a chance to remove the camera from its tripod and zoom in on your pearl necklace.

About the Author

For more articles on sexual health subscribe to Sandra Prior’s online newsletter at http://intercell.shacknet.nu.

Could the grease from....?

....one bucket of KFC provide enough lubrication for Rosie Odonnell to fit into a pair of large pants?

The first advertisement for Kentucky fried chicken had two fat cartoon kidz in the back of a car, it was a jingle feel good tune , and Hugo said you go ....blah blag ..and soon they were back with the pack in the back.. blah blah.better inside.I tried to find it on utube to no avail..yes it sure would. finger lick in good... I hate it when they do not give you the moist towelettes

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