Good Man

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In today's fast moving society, there are many confusing and mixed messages about how to be a 'real man,' or what that really means. This is magnified in sport, be it sport played (or watched) at school, in the community or at national/international level. Many other cultural pressures cause some men to conform to unhealthy models of masculinity but this is heightened amongst sportsmen, especially in the contact sports.

Such cultural pressures ask men to override their wise inner voice to conform to some outdated model of masculinity. As this becomes habitual some essential part of their humanity dies. This can also be a precursor to later emotional and psychological disturbances, even physical illness.

Ironically, whilst the unspoken rules for sportsmen require them to constantly prove and reprove their manliness on and off the field, many of the off-field activities find them behaving like boys rather than men. This is especially evident in attitudes and activities concerning women and drinking; indeed it is often called 'the boy's club.'

Admittedly modern professional sportsmen are under great pressures; today it's a demanding full time career. While acknowledging the benefits of some pressure-releasing activities and important off-field bonding, let's encourage players to choose activities that don't harm their health, or hurt or demean others. That's a matter of coaches and sporting club elders promoting good, clean concepts of masculinity and valuing that over the notion of 'winning at all costs.'

While we are at it, once and for all, let's also debunk the myth that is rampant in sport-that big drinking equals the big man. A recent study by the Burnet Institute at Melbourne University in Australia shows what we have long observed to be true-binge drinking is widespread among high profile Australian footballers. Because of their high media profile, like it or not, these players are role models for young males who are then more likely to go on to be involved in alcohol-related violence.

The study of Australian Football League players found they led a roller-coaster life of extreme binge drinking alternated with bursts of abstinence.

It found 88 percent indulged in regular high-risk drinking and a quarter of players were involved in fights due to alcohol.

Although sport, especially football and the contact sports are large determinants of what constitutes a 'real man,' the most dominant models of masculinity have been around for centuries and are fostered by the broader community. However in recent decades the model has been weighted towards the hyper-masculine or extreme masculinity.

Never in the history of humankind have young people been subjected to long hours of ever-increasing themes of violence, right in their lounge rooms. Most of the violence is sold by a select few with a view to make lots of money and it is sold globally. Modern media, in its never ending quest for ratings, continually magnifies the hyper-masculine. Witness TV and film heroes becoming larger, more muscular and more violent, every few years-witness wrestling's WWE with its themes of 'hulkish' and brutish males lording it over females and gay men in the most degrading manner. Witness the increasing 'body count' of movie series such as "Rambo" one, two and three. This is called entertainment!

Such trends are reflected in young boy's toys such as GI Joe and the various "hulk' type heroes. They promote heroes with massive muscular bulk who are ostensibly of such gigantic proportion so they can carry obscenely destructive weapons. Billboards and posters of sports heroes and male models now emphasise muscular bulk, the type that can be only gained by long hours pumping iron in front of a gym mirror and ingesting steroids.

Such trends amplify the idea that a man must be tough, silent, stoic, competent, competitive, a stud; can handle his liquor and so on. These concepts are also held in place by our families, schools, peer pressure and the wider community.

These false concepts of masculinity affect our young men who lack positive male role models and have no sense of healthy masculinity.

Most of the devastating violence we experience in our communities is committed by young men between the ages of fifteen and thirty; it includes domestic violence, rape, acquaintance rape, incest, male on male fights, serial killings, racist hate crimes, gay-bashing, arson, and barroom brawls. For example in NSW, Australia, there has been a 25 percent rise in "glassings" in the past five years, when a drinker smashes a broken beer or wine glass into someone's face, causing major eye and facial injuries.

There is an absence of good role models for boys and young men. Today, with up to 80% of our primary teachers being female, and with large numbers of men leaving secondary teaching, our culture's portrayal of men, along with sportsmen's behaviour on and off the field, has a significant impact on shaping masculinity for young men.

Indeed these unfortunate trends can be and must be tackled. Raising awareness through education is a good starting place and forms the basis of my masculinity work.

Pip Cornall

5 Tips to Find a Good Man This Year

1.Stop Looking, don't be so aggressive:
It's okay to advertise yourself but be classy about it. Don't be like an annoying pop up. Don't accept every blind date your friend offers. When you act too needy that reflect on your self confidence. Trust me you don't want that, self-confidence is key to your personality and men can smell it miles away.

2.Appreciate people for who they are. Be genuine:
Don't just look for date because you are too scared to be alone on Valentines Day, or because you embarrassed to go the company picnic alone. When your focus start to shift in that direction it tends to blind you. You can easily miss out on a potential mate. Be genuine; appreciate people for who they are. When you do that, you'll be amazed how much you can learn about the other person. You can quickly decide if he is a keeper or not.

3.Be approachable:
Don't be to stuck up people are scared to talk to you but don't sell it either.

4.Learn to trust your gut:
They don't call it women intuition for nothing. Use it! If you have a bad feeling about a guy the first time you met him, you probably right. Trust your instinct. If the guy says he would call and didn't, if he's always coming up with lame excuses to cancel dates he's probably not interest. Move on! When a guy wants you, he will walk over hot coal bare foot to get to you.

5.Be ready to love:
Have an open heart. Sometimes past hurts and broken promises can hinder you from finding Mr Right; you might even meet him and chase him away. Just because long ago you had an encounter with Mr Wrong doesn't make all men bad if you are not ready for a relationship don't go look for one. When looking for a mate, have an open heart, and be ready to love!

About the Author

PassioNoir.com offers a FREE, open, interactive, and safe global black dating environment. PassioNoir.com caters to black singles seeking serious, as well as casual relationships, with powerful search tools and detailed profiles that enable users to find the right matches. With live 1-on-1 video and phone chat, voice recordings, personal photo galleries and a host of other rich features, PassioNoir.com is a leader in providing a fun, dynamic, and safe multimedia environment for black singles. For more information, visit Free Black Dating and Personals of Black Singles looking for Black Love on Passionoir.com

What do you do if you found a good man but scared?

because of bad experiences..I never was treated good by any of my past situations, and now I have a potential good man -- im so scared lol.

This is in the wrong section. Come Back in a couple of years. Good luck.

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